


Coulrophobia

by anyanka_eg



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Clowns, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-11
Updated: 2010-03-11
Packaged: 2017-10-07 21:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyanka_eg/pseuds/anyanka_eg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's something going on with McKay and Sheppard is sure he knows what it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coulrophobia

Rodney was avoiding him, he was sure of it, it just made no sense. They hadn't argued, no more than usual at least, and neither one of them had done anything so stupidly embarrassing that they felt they had to hide. The last few missions had been weirdly quiet, which of course made them all deeply uneasy in a 'nothing ever happens round here' kind of way. The city seemed to be ticking over like a well oiled engine as far as John could tell by the reduced amount of enraged bellowing and crazed Czech he heard over the radio.

Which of course meant he should have been spending time with McKay, beating him at Wii golf and chess, racing cars out by the east pier and drinking beer while they watched the ocean. He even wanted to play Wii air hockey again with Rodney, just to see if the scientist's winning streak had been a fluke or not. But his evenings had been strangely physicist free and it was quietly freaking him out.

John had just gotten used to having his friend back after losing him to Keller for a small eternity and now he seemed to be loosing him again. Although he couldn't work out who to. He'd discounted any of the female military staff because it was as if they and Rodney were actually from totally different species who only barely tolerated each other. John was reminded of cats and dogs forced to grudgingly coexist by the cohabitation of their owners. He wasn't prepared to speculate who was who in his analogy.

It could be one of the scientists, he supposed, but they all seemed to be in a weird superstate of absolute loathing and barely disguised awe that mostly rendered them immune to McKay's manly charms. Mind you, Katie frigging Brown had slipped under his radar and seemed to have been willfully blind as to who Rodney really was. A little like Keller in that respect.

And that brought him to the medical staff.

He was assuming they all had the basic human decency to not jump into bed with their boss's ex less than a month after they'd split up. Especially because the rumors circulating suggested Rodney had actually dumped her and she was more than a little peeved about it. They hadn't talked about it more than for John to mumble he was sorry and Rodney to grunt as he accepted the offered beer.

That meant he had ruled out everyone, even the men of Atlantis using the same criteria, not that he thought for a moment that Rodney would have been interested in them.

And yet, McKay was still AWOL from his life.

He swiped his hand over the chime of Rodney's door and waited. He didn't think he was exactly going to catch the scientist in the act, as it were, but he was definitely going to find out what was going on. Even if it meant actually talking. With his mouth. Using words.

The door swooshed open and Rodney was there, looking nervous and twitchy. He glanced over his shoulder into the room and John for a minute thought he really had caught him with someone. But then McKay was waving him in and he knew he hadn't. There was an open laptop on his bed, some movie or other paused on screen, and a bowl of popcorn on the bedside table.

John felt a stab of pain in his chest.

“It's not...” Rodney started, before stopping because it obviously was exactly what it looked like.

“It's okay,” John said, his voice sounding strangled and just as hurt as he felt.

Not that he had any right to be hurt. It was stupid. He was stupid. Rodney was his friend, sure, but he was also his own person. He could do what he wanted, he could have his own space. The only claim John had on McKay was in his head and this was just a little reminder for him to keep himself under control.

“I wanted to tell you,” Rodney blurted out, looking almost as miserable as John felt. “But then you would have forced yourself to watch it and, well, no.”

“Watch what?” John asked, suddenly suspicious.

Rodney twitched and blinked at John, obviously fighting some internal war, before he sighed and said “Psychoville.”

“What?”

“From the BBC. It's by the guys from League of Gentlemen,” explained Rodney reluctantly, and John felt another stab of betrayal. He'd loved that show and Rodney knew it. They'd sat and roared with laughter together as they watched, even if some bits had quietly creeped them both out. He wondered what he'd done to piss Rodney off so much that he'd chosen to watch the new show on his own.

“Right, well, I'll leave you to it,” John said, clamping down on his hurt and disappointment as he turned to leave.

“There's a clown,” Rodney almost shouted, stopping John in his tracks. “With a hook.”

“A hook,” John repeated, not quite sure he was keeping the horror he felt crawling up his spine out of his voice. “For killing people?”

“God no,” Rodney answered quickly. “Instead of a hand. He has attachments, like flowers made of feathers and, well, he's a really bad clown.”

“Right...”

“I really wanted to watch it, but I knew you couldn't, not with your clown...thing,” Rodney rambled, taking a step so that John could see him out of the corner of his eye. “So I thought it was best if I didn't tell you.”

“You could have just explained,” he said, feeling angry and hurt again. “I would have understood.”

“Oh please,” Rodney snapped, rolling his eyes. “You so wouldn't. You would have insisted that you watch it and then it'd be another thing that you woke up screaming about.”

“I don't...”

“I share a tent with you off world,” Rodney said quietly, his eyes sad and serious even though the rest of him still looked hunched and guilty.

“Off world?” John queried, because he almost never woke up gripped by fear when he shared quarters with his team.

“You talk,” the scientist admitted reluctantly, like he was being forced to give up all Atlantis' secrets. “And I talk back.”

“You...” he started, but his voice caught in his throat.

“I know you...” Rodney stammered, writing his hands before getting a grip of himself and continuing. “That you don't like to discuss things like this so, well, we don't need to.”

John stared at his friend, the one who had been efficiently snapping him out of nightmares for years without him ever knowing, and couldn't decide if he wanted to kiss him or burst into tears of shame. Oblivious, selfish, wonderful Rodney McKay had quietly done a better job of managing the night terrors that haunted him than any of the people who had claimed they loved him.

“Thank you,” John whispered, fighting the strongest urge to hug someone he'd ever felt in his life. “Thank you.”

“I've got the new Torchwood,” Rodney said by way of acknowledgement, with a nod and a tentative upward twist of his lips. “I was saving it for next week.”

“Cool,” John agreed hoarsely, plonking himself on Rodney's bed because his legs were more than a little wobbly.

“There's some popcorn left too,” offered McKay, shuffling himself next to John and bumping his shoulder as he fiddled with this computer. “It's toffee.”

“Of course it is,” John agreed, grinning at the bloom of happiness opening in his chest.

Rodney smiled right back at him, his expression pleased and a little amazed, and John thought that life didn't really get much better than this.  


**Author's Note:**

> This came to me almost fully formed when I was at my parents house lat week and they were watching an episode of Psychoville. I've not seen the full series yet but the clown with the hook (Mr Jelly) is deeply, deeply troubling. Mind you, so is the mid-wife who thinks her baby practice doll is real. I suggest anyone who hasn't seen League of Gentlemen or Psychoville and who likes their comedy slightly surreal and more than a little creepy, to give them a try.
> 
> This is the clown from Psychoville http://lh6.ggpht.com/_AkrZ09GYiws/Sk0pNPHMWSI/AAAAAAAAJ_E/bw4tp-Z1Plg/s800/psychoville103.jpg. Tell me John wouldn't have nightmares.


End file.
